She Runs.

"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces.  Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."

- Plato's The Symposium

Every fiber of my being is telling me to break free, to run, to escape the monotony that has been holding me in this place for far too long.  I tell myself that I can no longer run from problems past, so I convince myself that I am running to problems future.  This weary head of mine convinces herself that she welcomes new tortures.  Somehow, the idea of an unknown pain can bring so much more joy than the nothingness that is now.  I wish I could stay, but I know that my soul would resist it until my last dying breath.  Must I forever live a life of packing my bags and heading  out on the open road?  I don't blame anyone, only myself.  The masochistic side of me believes that I am perpetually searching for a love that will inspire my heart to beat.  Though, the logic hidden within me knows that the only love I need is ingrained in the veins of this earth. 

I must wonder... is it possible to find a love that is beyond any concept of time or space?  I feel so lonely for human comfort, but I reject the ones that are willing to provide.  I am my own worst enemy.  Perhaps I have already passed up the other half of my soul.  No matter how much I convince myself that I am content alone, I know that my bones are not sturdy enough for the impact of complete vacancy.  My life has become an infinite roller coaster of searching and giving up.  My three best friends are my worst enemies... Hope,  Freedom, Love.

I have condemned myself to a life of sparing everyone but myself.  I will give to everyone my love and hope, and in return I will ask nothing.  All I can ask for is that the universe will see my plight and reward me with a little less twinge to the pain that ebbs away inside. But, perhaps that other half that we are all searching for is really the other half to our own minds.  Maybe we just need to have enough courage to find ourselves.

When I escape, this time... it will be to a place where I will discover all truths.  Good and bad.  I will face it, and I won't run anymore.